inconsolable
by gf7
Summary: The fall of one of the Birds seen through the eyes of another.


Title: Inconsolable  
  
Author: Shawn Carter  
  
Email: wolfpackproductionscomcast.net  
  
Website: Yeah, eventually.  
  
Summary: A short hopefully emotional piece about the fall of one of the Birds.  
  
Notes: Character death. You have been warned.  
  
Rating: PG.  
  
Dedications: To the crew for the challenge here. This was all about trying to make an impact without dialogue and in as few paragraphs as possible. Hope it worked.  
  
Musical: The title is Jonatha Brooke. The lyrics are The Verve Pipe, Toby Keith and Karla Bonoff.

* * *

"Life's so fragile and love's so pure   
We try to hold on but we can't   
We watch how quickly it disappears   
And we never know why"  
  
"For the life of me I cannot remember   
What made us think that we were wise  
and We'd never compromise   
For the life of me I cannot believe   
We'd ever die for these sins"

* * *

I guess you could say it hit us like a ton of bricks going mach ten. We tumbled beneath the weight of it. I wonder if we have the strength to keep fighting. I wonder who we are now.  
  
We were a group. All of us. United in a bond of heartbreak and pain that would hold us together forever. We understood each other in a way no one else ever could. We knew that outside of our team we were alone but within it we could be victorious. We could be more than outcasts trying to make a difference. We came from a place where the shadowy darkness we knew as small children huddling in the corner turned out to be a harsh sunless reality even as we tried so desperately to push it all back into the closet. Sometimes we dealt by not dealing at all and sometimes we stood up and fought because it was all we had. Fighting brought us towards the fire but that burning sensation- that bright searing that tore into our souls- it let us know that we were still alive. That all changed in one horrible moment. The light, which had always seemed to be our salvation, became little more than a bitter reminder that we were only safe some of the time and that you could never really escape fate. Not really. Play the game long enough and eventually even the cat was due to run out of lives. And so when it faded and she fell to her destiny; so did we.  
  
A quiet night. The type where a peaceful walk through the park should have calmed our nerves. We should have known better...our world could never exist within the childish fantasy of safety and sanity. Besides, we didn't go there for a midnight picnic. No, we went to stop a madman. And we did. We stopped him. We still lost.  
  
As I stood there contemplating it all, I could hear a church bell ringing somewhere in the distance. The sound chilled me to the bone. I wonder if I'll remember it on my deathbed. I think I might. It's not like I've never heard a bell before. No, of course I have. Just never one quite as haunting as that one. She'd tell me later that a bell never rang, that it wasn't real. That there was no church anywhere nearby. So I guess you could say that it was just a hallucinatory thought brought on by the terrifying psychosis we called our own. Danger in submission; agony in aversion. Madness is loss. Oh God, I think I'm falling apart here.  
  
After the battle we lifted our hands in celebration but it wasn't long before we realized that she wasn't there, she wasn't laughing with us. So we went looking for her.  
  
Well we found her. Red on green. Dying on the grass. She inhaled air in large gasps and pawed at the ground trying to find some type of grip, something to hold on to. Something to slow the spinning down. Watching her I remember thinking how absurd the motion was for her; she'd never really had much use for the concept of control. In fact she'd spent the whole of her life railing against it. Funny how the worm turns I suppose.  
  
We tried to ease her delirium but it was a futile effort. In her last moments, we could do little for her body so we concentrated on closure. It was all any of us had left. I suppose it was more for us than her though because her eyes never saw us, so focused on the heavens above. Slate blue locked steadily on the velvet cape of the starless black night. By the time we reached her, she was already long gone to us. We took what we could. We fought for the right to grieve without guilt.  
  
Foolish really. There's no such thing as guiltless pain. Only would have, should have, could haves that aren't really worth the letters they're constructed with.  
  
We said our goodbyes. And as we took our grief and pushed it away, she took her last breath and died. A woman with worthless legs dropped down beside me, falling to her knees. Two men sagged, one nearly crumbled. Me, I just stared straight ahead. My eyes locked on her necklace, stained red with her own blood.  
  
That was the first time I ever saw Reese cry. Head in his hands, he tried to be strong but the tears rushed down his cheeks. Gibson dropped down behind Barbara but didn't dare to touch her, realizing he had nothing to say that could actually make it better. Her shoulders shook uncontrollably and I can remember wondering if she was about to crack in front of me. Barbara reached out for her, tried to touch her lifeless face, even managed to graze her ashen cheeks before recoiling in horror.  
  
I did nothing. I just watched. Waiting for the dam to crumble. Waiting for the sky to fall. Waiting for the ground to open and devour us.  
  
I needn't have worried. I suppose that will save for another day. Just not today.  
  
We didn't create this world but we were left to fight for it. We didn't want this destiny but we're the ones who will always pay the price of it. I suppose that's the work of heroes. I'm not sure I want to be that. I don't want to die for all of this. I want to reach my twenties. I want to marry and have children. I want to spend six hours at a mall not wondering if I should be outside chasing down an idiot who can shoot acid from between his toes.  
  
That's not my choice to make anymore than it was ever hers. We're called to the front line and we raise our arms because it's who we are. It's what we are. Not heroes. Just fighters.  
  
And that means we die when asked to do so.  
  
To save the world. To save us all.  
  
Who did she save tonight?  
  
A thousand people who will never know. A thousand people who will never mourn her but who will miss her more than they will ever understand.  
  
I hope they're at peace right now.  
  
I hope she is too.  
  
I look up and stare out the window. Somewhere in the distance I hear a bell ringing.  
  
I'm not sure what that means. I'm not sure it's real.  
  
I'm just sure she's gone.  
  
Helena is gone. Oh God, she's really gone.  
  
The bell rings again.  
  
It's real. It's all real.  
  
I drop my hand and it falls open in the motion. Helena's blood-stained necklace falls from it and hits the ground, a violent thunderous crack slapping hard against the soft carpet.  
  
It rolls.  
  
I fall.  
  
Ashes, ashes. We all fall down.  
  
Until tomorrow when we'll stand up and fight again.  
  
That's tomorrow.

* * *

"And I will always do my duty no matter what the price  
I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice   
Oh, and I don't want to die for you   
but if dyin's asked of me  
I'll bear that cross with honor   
'cause freedom don't come free"  
  
"But I'm okay now  
Goodbye, my friends   
You can go now  
Goodbye, my friends"

* * *

-Fin 


End file.
